I don’t know...what I want to write. Honestly, I am dying to
get her single message or call. Since morning I don’t know, how many times, I
checked my mobile…every now and then. I know it sounds absurd but it seems like
I am crazy about her. Things are getting little serious for me, and I don’t
know, how she is taking all this.
Last
night, she didn’t reply me after 2 or 3 messages, I thought she slept. But
again in the morning, I called her and she didn’t pick up. And after some time,
my mobile beeped and I thought she messaged me. Yes she messaged me but message
was not quite friendly to me. She wrote “Don’t call and message, her brother
is asking for her mobile…we will talk on Monday in office time” and that’s
it.
I
didn’t know how I should interpret this message. Talk on Monday…I mean what is
this? But again I gave preference to her against over my thought and didn’t
call her or message her. But that message was like a shock for me. I never had this kind of feeling and I don’t
know how to deal with it… L its not like,
I am weak guy, not able to deal with any problem. What I am not able to
understand is…she knows everything…how much I love her…can’t she send me a
single message in a day…saying…..”hey buddy….don’t worry…everything is same
between us…just don’t worry…we will talk on Monday…I will message you… if I get
safe space…” .
I
just don’t want to get burden on her. If she can’t accept me, she can say
upfront and I swear, I will never chase her again or bother her again. In my
opinion, she should not keep mystery between us. I don’t know….what ever she
said in message, how much correct it is….or she don’t want to talk to
me…..goddddd…..i hate so much myself for thinking this over and over again. She
might be really having this problem.
Just to come out of my pathetic
sad situation, I went along with my friends for almost a day outing…a boring
outing…to keep myself busy…to not think about her. But at last I enter my house
at 9 PM and again I started thinking
about her. Its not like I didn’t think
about her all day… but I did my best to not think about her. My friends were
looking for land to buy and I tried my best to get in to discussion everywhere…
and there were few moments…they asked me… “You are showing so much interest for
our deal…thanks”. What could I have replied….i just smiled.
Its
not like, I cant stay without talking to her a day or whole weekend. It’s
just…she never told me…what she is thinking about me clearly. I don’t want to
behave in crazy way. I never pressurized her to share her thought about me. I
always told her… take you time. But whenever I feel…I am getting away from her.
It feels like, I am falling into very deep pit.
I don’t know…she will ever understand this feeling or not LL. I can stay cool and calm without talking to her for a month, but before that, I want her confidence in me. I want to reach to that trust level that she is mine. It won’t matter, how far she is going to me, but she will come back to me one day.
Its 10.30 and I am looking at my mobile and my mobile is looking at me sadly saying like “I can’t help you buddy…I am sorry LL”.
Tomorrow is Sunday, one more day to go; I don’t know….how I will get over it. Honestly I hate this feeling sometimes…being in love with someone… this feeling eats your inside in bad days… perhaps…this is first time in my life…I loved someone so much…so deeply. But I will deal with it at my best… I have to know…that… why she is just talking to me…? showing some kind of pity…because I am in love with her… but let me tell her… I am not that much weak. I can handle myself. If she is really not interested in me…she can tell me upfront and I will never ever bother her again.
Let me stop here….otherwise…I will write the same things
again and again…whole night.
I wish myself good luck…LL
I don’t want to lose you GARIMA… LL
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